The life-changing magic of showing up for yourself
Recently, I was debriefing with a client after she had accomplished a period of significant growth. Among her wins were achieving a couple of goals that had seemed far off at the start of our work together. As we explored the various choices and changes that moved her from there to here, she celebrated how far she’d come and we hit upon a few key takeaways.
The biggest needle-mover of all, she said, was “the life-changing magic of showing up for myself.”
Taking on a coaching engagement is all about showing up for yourself and your goals, dreams, vision and growth. It most definitely unleashes a kind of magic when you invest in yourself and your growth in this way, and it calls forth even more “showing up”. That commitment she called forth from herself looked different from week to week and day to day, and it did, in fact, unleash some magic.
I love this phrase that my client used (and share it with permission) because it captures a truth that we’ve all experienced at some point — that moment when we choose to be fully engaged in going after what we want and what happens as a result of that choice.
But the life-changing magic of showing up for yourself is bigger, wider and deeper than that. It involves trusting what you know (even when a bigger picture is not yet clear) and consciously stepping forward in a direction that you choose. That often unleashes flow, momentum, deeper clarity and confidence. It can feel difficult and it can feel deeply nourishing, often at the same time.
Sometimes it requires standing still and sometimes courageous actions.
In the increasingly uncertain and complex (VUCA) world that many of us are operating in these days, we can’t afford to be on autopilot. And I believe this magic of showing up is an important building block for enhancing our resilience as well as growing our capacity to build what’s next while staying present for our current experience.
What does it mean to show up fully for yourself? I think of it as a combination of integrity and alignment that allows you to step back from the whirlwind and reset into what matters most.
That will look different depending on the situation at hand and depending on the unique circumstances of life as it’s happening in this moment. Instead of a blueprint, the life-changing magic of showing up for yourself rests in deep listening and brave action. It might look like:
Consciously managing your attention.
This is an area that I’ve been inhabiting for several months as I focus on writing books and refining my coaching offerings to meet my clients with a deeper level of support. It’s also a hot topic for many of us who have been juggling work-and-home in the same environment and managing ever-changing workplace demands over these last few years. Setting parameters, habits and systems to help focus your attention towards what’s most important and away from distractions can dramatically shift your daily experience.
Aligning with deeply held values
Hands down, the most common conflict that I see with my clients who are experiencing disconnection and lack of engagement in their work, life or relationships is a values conflict. Something that is important to them is not lining up with what they’re experiencing day-to-day. Showing up for yourself fully means getting clear on your values and where they’re being expressed in your life (and where not). Connecting the dots between what you value and what you’re doing everyday (and where and with whom) unleashes more flow and purpose.
Moving with purpose.
When life is moving fast, we sometimes skip the time to be intentional and purpose-filled — to know what you’re doing, why and what you hope to achieve — before jumping into action. Coming back to this space and allowing yourself to pause and recollect can help you to show up more authentically and strategically. And that can vastly improve the results of any action we take. Making this a habit is also a great way to ultimately take things off your plate and ensure that where you’re spending your time is aligned with your objectives.
Allowing yourself the grace you give to others.
Whether it’s a demanding workload, an unexpected obstacle on your path, a deeply felt loss or even a regrettable mistake, many of us are quick to offer grace to those around us but less nourishing in dialogue with ourselves. Showing up in this case is allowing yourself the space and the grace to process where you are, feel what has happened and take care of your needs so that you build capacity and resilience for what’s next.
Using your voice.
Whether speaking up for yourself comes easy or requires a bit of skill-building, it’s a foundational piece of showing up. If it feels uncomfortable, you might want to first start with fine-tuning your internal dialogue. Sometimes, we are the ones not hearing ourselves because other voices have been drowning us out. Building your communication skills is the next step for showing up fully for yourself and as yourself in your workplace, business, relationships and community. There will always be opportunities to get better at this, and the magic is released the more often that we take them.
Deeply listening.
Often when I have clients do visioning or goal-setting work, there can be hesitancy about wanting what they (really) want. Or at least saying it aloud. When we dig a bit deeper into this, though, almost everyone can start to name the things they would love or have been craving to have in their life or career. We know. Showing up is about the listening. Consider how you can show up more by deeply listening to yourself. It might mean that you need to carve out more thinking time, dreaming time, meditation time or recreation time so that you can “hear yourself” more clearly.
What does showing up more fully for yourself look like in this season of your life? What kind of magic might unfold if you took a few more steps in that direction?