When you know what to do… and it’s not happening
Image: Aubrey Rose Odom
I work with so many people who are making big shifts in their life and their work. And sometimes – well, most of the time – big shifts come with moments of stuckness.
Sometimes, those moments are the ones where you just aren’t clear on what’s next. It’s hard to move forward when you don’t know what to do. That’s where coaching can help you to stop, take stock and sort through your options.
But what about the times when you actually do know what to do – and you're just not doing it? You know, for example, that consistent workouts are always a great stress reliever for you. You know that conversation with your boss needs to happen. You have an actionable marketing plan for your new business sitting right on your hard drive. And… it’s not happening.
As a frustrated client said to me last week, WHY can I not get this done?! If this is you, the answer is probably not laziness. There’s just something in your way.
Here are a few self-coaching questions that can help you get to the bottom of it.
Are you feeling overwhelmed?
It's a fast-paced world. So it’s critical that we create clarity about where our time and energy is most needed and best spent. We only have so much of it to give. If overwhelm is keeping you stuck or spinning, you can start with an inventory.
What's overwhelming you? Get it down on paper (or screen) and out of your head. Then go through that inventory and cross out everything that is not an actual task or action. If it’s an important project or outcome, add the next step to your list.
Cross out everything that doesn’t truly need to be done (it's amazing how much comes off the list when we answer this question honestly).What’s left? If it’s important to you, to someone you care about or to a team, could someone else handle it? Who?
Now, take the 3 most critical things left on the list and do those. Fully implementing this often takes practice and conversations about the support you may need. The sooner you start, the less overwhelmed you will feel and the more mental space you have for that thing that hasn't been happening.
Is stress dragging you down?
If so, you’re not alone. Studies show that chronic stress is becoming epidemic. In fact, “stressed” is a state that many of us now take for granted. As in, of course we are stressed. Everybody is stressed. Accepting this as an ongoing state has huge negative impacts on your emotional, physical and mental health. Righting the ship to add more nourishment and balance to your life is not a nice to have. It’s daily healthcare, and no one can do it for you.
The better care you take of yourself, the more flow you can unlock — simply because you will have a level of energy, health and thinking capacity that’s not available when you’re under constant stress.
Are you too far in—or out—of your comfort zone?
You’ve heard the advice that everything you are craving lies on the other side of your comfort zone? This is only partly true, however. Yes, living entirely inside a comfort zone that never changes prevents you from growing, evolving and taking risks to create more of what you want. But being too aggressive in pushing out of your comfort zone can also trigger the opposite response. Extreme discomfort can be paralyzing and stop you in your tracks.
Consider playing at your edges. Be sure that the action you're wanting to take fits in that middle ground. This will help you to gradually expand your comfort zone. It also puts neurochemistry on your side by aiming for the place where you’re challenged and learning, but not completely lost.
Are you doing too much?
Most of us are. If you’ve come to accept a "crazy-busy" reality as unchangeable, I want to challenge your thinking on this. It’s not. We all have responsibilities that will ebb and flow throughout our lives. There will be times when there is a lot to manage. How you manage your responsibilities, your schedule, and your commitments is up to you. No one else can do this for you.
It can be challenging to step back and reprioritize what’s on your plate. And it's not always easy to set boundaries around what you are saying yes to and saying no to. But it's critically important to your well-being, sustainability and forward movement. Clear space on your plate and designate that space for the action that you know is going to get you the results you want.
Are you hiding from something?
The way to know is to ask yourself what might happen if you did follow through? Often there is fear hiding here. Take a closer look at what you’ve been doing instead. Fear can show up as avoiding action, numbing yourself with mindless web surfing or television, and getting really creative with your excuses for why you’re not doing the thing you said you wanted to do.What are you really afraid of? The outcome or the process? It’s true that you might not get the results you want. And it’s true that you might wildly succeed and create a new set of perceived challenges.
The process of getting where you want to go may require you to step up and be more visible. Change often comes with moments that feel hard and things that are not fun (as well as the joy and the fun). There's no need to battle the fear or defeat it. Simply understanding what it is can help you work around it. You may not be able to control the outcome or the process. And all of that is OK. You can handle it.
Do you really want to do it?
If you’re not committed to the path you’re taking, then eventually, you will stop moving forward. Check in with yourself on this. If you’re continually dodging the actions that you know will get you where you say you want to go, it’s just possible that you may really have another destination in mind. Course corrections are always permitted.
Take action.
When you know what to do and it’s just not happening, identify your obstacle. Create a strategy to work around it. Then take action. Breathe. Do it again. Keep going.
