Celebrating life and life lessons
It’s my birthday, and the truth is, I’m one of those people who celebrates her birthday for a week, at least.
This is a tradition that I’ve created in part because I love the excuse to celebrate (even if by myself) and it’s an annual reminder that there are always things worth celebrating.
It’s also partly my belief that cultivating the ability to pay attention and to celebrate ourselves as we are is a worthy challenge that leads over time to greater self awareness, self-compassion and empathy for others. We can collaborate on much healthier relationships when we’re able to celebrate and develop a practice of noticing the good and being fully in our every day life.
I believe that we need that reminder these days. At least, I will say that I welcome the reminder.
One key thing I do for myself every year —a gift to myself (along with a few well-placed treats) — is to reflect on what I’ve learned along the course of the last 52 weeks of the day-in, day-out.
I look for the lessons that I want to remember and the moments or insights that have stayed with me. I also prefer to keep it balanced and spend a little time on where I would like to grow a bit more and what I’d like to experience over the next trip around the sun. This year, I did not “go anywhere” but I love to get away this time of year, too.
My lists are a personal insurance policy against forgetting.
They’re my cheat sheet to draw on when I (or maybe a client, or a friend) might be forgetting something critical. Because we all do that. We forget. With that in mind, I’m digging into my notebooks to share 25 personal life lessons I’ve learned along the path of reinvention, coaching, learning and generally showing up to live life every day.
What I’ve learned that guides me forward…
Meaningful, holistic self care, as I define that, is nonnegotiable. I first wrote those words as a founding tenet of my fledgling coaching business, and in the years I have been doing this work, more of the world has caught up to this idea in ways that we will all benefit from. My book, Nourish, is about how to build that in a meaningful way without the noise.
Two or more things can be true at the same time, and that is usually the case. Two emotions. Two perspectives. Two states of being. Two experiences. “What is also true?” is one of my favorite questions.
My daily schedule is my responsibility to create. The freedom I’m looking for comes from me. It always did, even when I worked for others. As a solo business owner who does a lot of 1:1 work, I occasionally have to remind myself of this and set boundaries with myself. Generally, scheduling and time boundaries are my jam, though, and over the years, my “ideal schedule” has varied a lot (along with my ownership of it).
I am always at my best when paying attention to and taking care of my physical body. That doesn’t mean I always excel at this but that’s the goal. It does mean that I notice when I fall off any of my favorite practices or spend too much time up in my head. Our bodies are excellent at knowing what’s what.
Surfing with emotions is far more enlightening and useful than overanalyzing them. The better I (we all) get at accessing, identifying and letting them be, the smoother the flow of life in general. This is all about the practice.
Being aware of and managing my energy can change the experience of the entire day. Instant do-over, available at any time. This may be the most important life lesson I have learned and it’s second nature now, but we can always get better at this. Especially when life feels full or uncertain. Especially when we are stretching into new space.
I’m the most introverted extrovert that I know, and I’m perfectly okay with that. I thought this would change over time, but what has changed is that I’ve leaned more into just doing things my way.
Listening for brilliance (in myself and in others) requires some serious presence. It’s always worth it, and those flashes of brilliance are always, always there. I love witnessing that.
By figuring out how to inspire ourselves, we are more able to inspire others. Inspiration builds capacity. Capacity builds impact.
Building anything — a successful business, a lifestyle we want, a family, a dream coming to life — is as difficult as we want to make it. At various times, I’ve been very good at making things harder than they need to be and also good at letting it be simple. This is not the same as encountering obstacles. It’s how to get around them more easily.
Working in short bursts = very effective for my brain. For years, I tried to do it other ways, and now I read articles all the time telling me that science actually backs me up on this. Another example of how trusting what you know works for you wins out in the end.
You really can’t take anything personally. There is always more to the story, and it’s not always focused in my (your) direction.
When you become very selective about who and what you pay attention to, creativity flows. This has always been true for me, and yet I’ve done a deeper dive into curating my inputs and creating supportive environments lately with really good results.
What we do impacts others and we cannot afford to forget this. The last few years have driven this home more than ever.
Fun is never optional, at least not if you want to enjoy life. Sometimes my clients are surprised when I ask them what they’re doing for fun. (It’s also fun to hear the differences - everybody’s fun is different.)
It’s not my job to figure out how I’m doing something right off the bat, only that I am committing to do it. The how develops along the way through evolution, flow and it rarely looks exactly as planned anyway. Remembering this is how I am able to come back to being someone who does and doesn’t do things, versus someone who can or can’t do them.
Ask and you often really do receive. If you’re ready for that. Sometimes, it’s a challenge to ask and sometimes, it’s a challenge to receive (even when you have asked). It’s a growth edge for so many of us. I am always amazed at what happens, though, when we do open to more. We do not have to be alone on our journey unless we choose to be.
We are all capable of creating “new” in our lives, even when we’re scared that we will fail or that it will all fall apart at the best possible moment. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling fear in uncertainty and the truth is, sometimes things do fall apart. And we can build resilience and keep going. (Also, see 17.)
When you feel like you need a break, a break really is what you need. Powering through anything is completely overrated.
Use what you have — because you’ve managed to cram a whole lotta stuff into that toolbox. Start where you are, and go from there is advice that works in so many situations because it’s the only place that we can, in reality, start. Where you are and what you have is always going to be enough to take the next step. (Or as my college writing teacher said when I asked what to write about: “write what you know”. It’s the same in life.)
Exploring is my natural state. I’m really fantastic at exploration and possibility. Action is also required. Marrying those two together is the basis of how I coach and how I tend to operate in the world. I find that I take much more aligned, cohesive action when I’ve taken the time to explore first.
There are always choices to make in any given situation, so be resourceful. I like to give myself a challenge of finding five potential ways to respond when I feel like the choices are limited, or I just don’t know what to do. It helps so much to open up more creative thinking.
Perfectionism only helps me (us) accomplish less. I have had clients argue this point with me because it can be so, so hard to let go of the illusion of perfectionism and what we think it will give us. We can work on perfecting whatever it is, but why chase the unattainable when you could be making real progress on the ground right now?
Balance isn’t a 50-50 equation, and it’s not about pie slices. It’s about making time for the different things that are important in life— and being honest about what those are, to you. It’s about values and boundaries. And so yes, of course that’s attainable. I believe wholeheartedly in living balanced lives because it’s healthy and it’s what we’re made to do. The world continues to show us why this matters.
Be mindful and grateful of the here and now anytime you are planning for the future. Vision and purpose is important. Goals are great. And life is also happening right this minute.
I’m always learning and adding to the list, and I’m sure that this year will bring more lessons and more celebrations, more things to create, build and share. More to coach on, more to reflect on. I’d love to hear your lessons, the ones that have stuck with you and guide you in what’s next for you.