I took a vacation last week. It started off with a longish drive and a relaxed dinner out (our first dinner out in months, we realized). Then there was a wine and food festival, and another long (and beautiful) drive. There were walks on the beach, two long days of hiking through bush, a bit of crawling inside caves and more sand fly bites than I thought possible. Typical vacation stuff.

We were mostly offline. I haven't used my iPhone in almost three months and my partner doesn’t use a smartphone, so we were definitely off-phone. It was my second offline holiday in the last several months, and I have an offline long weekend coming soon, too.

Although I wasn't working or coaching during this time, I was creating. I was doing the best possible strategic and brainstorming work on my business and on my personal life. Over the course of the week, my partner and I mapped out significant pieces of his latest project, too. This level of flow and creativity and generative thinking sparked a lot of reflection on what it truly means to each of us to be "successful".

Few things are more critical to your well-being, your work performance and your self leadership than defining what success means for you.

For me, success means designing my life and work around my core values, which include freedom, balance, creativity, learning and adventure. All of which I get from a relaxing, active restoration style of vacation, and from an intentional commitment to baking those value ingredients into my work-life integration.

What it is that really holds us back from work-life balance (or integration, or fit — or, as a client recently corrected me, “life-work balance”)? What holds us back from thinking a bit more out of the norms, the structure and the box that we typically operate within?

There was a time when I yearned to take a week off like this, and I truly believed that I couldn't do it.

I was very stuck in a story of "I can't have that": I can't afford to do that. I can't take the time off. It's not a good time. I can't be unreachable. I can't <insert excuse of the week here>.

There are times when responsibilities need to be met and these lines may be relevant and accurate, but it’s not all the time.

I have coached many, many people over the years who operate with the belief that this is life, all the time (just like I did!) and have seen how that fuels everything from lack of fulfillment, overcommitment, and burnout to lower subjective wellbeing and not feeling like they’re able to think creatively or strategically.

I now know how misguided that thinking is, how encouraged we are to believe in it, and how optional is is to opt in to that way of looking at the world.

To believe, as I did, that you really cannot take a few moments to yourself every single day — and sometimes whole days. To believe that the world will fall apart if you are not immediately accessible by text. To not budget your time, energy and material resources for the things and experiences that will truly nourish you and replenish you. To know what you want and need and continually tell yourself no, no, no. Simply because you're not being honest with or true to yourself.

Many of us have been there. Some of us may still be there, wishing we were somewhere else.

What does your definition of success include? What's in your version of work - life fit / balance / integration?

It might well have nothing to do with a vacation, or with white space or downtime. Or with time to re-vision and re-create. It may not mean flipping it on its head, as my client does with her desire for “life-work balance in that order.” But it has everything to do with your values, your priorities, your definitions of success, wellbeing and thriving — and where and how you want to commit to them.