Are you living in the past (or the future)?
Image: Gary Chan
In one of my favorite scenes from the classic film based on Dan Millman’s book Peaceful Warrior, the character Socrates advises Dan: “Take out the trash, Dan. The trash is anything that is keeping you from the only thing that matters: this moment. Here and now. And when you truly are in the here and now, you will truly be amazed at what you can do and how well you can do it.”
While I am not sure I agree that this moment is the only thing that matters, it is the thing that any of us have control over and it is where the actual living takes place. That's why the more we can be present with and for our lives, our loved ones, our work, our world, the happier and healthier we tend to feel. The more impact we can have. The more we get what we want because we have more ability to create it.
Where's your processing power going?
I like to imagine this as a finite collection of data processing servers. If we have 100 servers and 80 of them are busy processing the stories of what happened last week or five years ago, that leaves just 20 left to handle everything that’s happening now and what may happen in the future. That’s not the best use of resources. The same is true if the majority of servers are tied up in future planning or the all-too-common “I’ll be happy when…” or "I'm just waiting for..." stories.
If we instead allocate 60 or 80 of those servers to what needs to be handled now, we can become a lot more effective at managing what’s coming at us. And we’ve still got 10 or 20 left for the past and the future.
We're all shifting between past-present-future thinking all day, every day.
That's how the brain works. But by noticing what it's doing, we can train it over time to be a little less wild and unruly and a little more intentional. That's time well spent. It's also a practice. (There's no finish line here, folks). Just by practicing being aware of this time focus we can move more and more towards the present, where we are living right now, and get better at recognizing when we’re stuck in the stories of what used to be, what happened, what we’re worried about happening or what may never happen. Paying attention to where our brain is spending its time can help connect the dots to how we're feeling, what we experience and the choices we make.
Are you showing up in the past, the present or the future?
In real life, focusing (and re-focusing) our attention on now versus later or yesterday can be a fantastic way to manage stress, combat overwhelm, bolster confidence and manage our energy so that we can actually show up where it matters, for what is important. We can also be here and now while actively reminiscing about past memories with loved ones or by doing today the things that will help us to create the future we want.
For me, being aware of my past-present-future focus has shown up lately like this:
Letting go of how I might have done things in the past to own the changes I’ve made to how I work. This includes building in the flexibility I require without excuses and improving my productivity by focusing on a few priorities each day (and letting tomorrow’s priorities wait until tomorrow).
Fully feeling the progress that my body has made in synchronizing hormones, instead of endlessly analyzing why they went off course or complaining about the time it’s taken to get them back on track. (The same goes for building muscle and dropping a few pounds.)
Sitting and enjoying the beauty of our garden instead of immediately focusing in on the yard work that needs to be done, how it compares to last year or my future plans for the space.
For my clients, past-present-future awareness has shown up like this recently:
Pausing to celebrate a major milestone (landing the job, completing the graduate degree, launching the business, moving cities) before heading right into the next one.
Recognizing that the anxiety they are feeling about that big meeting is keeping them from giving 100% to the preparation right now because they’re so focused on what might happen later.
Having the aha moment that their resistance to leaving an unfulfilling job is rooted in a previous disastrous job choice and what they've made that mean about what’s possible and their ability to create it.
Realizing that the last time they were together with a cherished friend, they felt disconnected because that time was spent commiserating and entertaining their friend with stories instead of engaging in a positive “here and now” conversation.
Strategizing on how to set healthy boundaries and have important conversations today instead of avoiding them because they "already know" how that will go based on a past experience.
Taking time out to create real work-life balance and family time instead of killing themselves (almost literally) in their all-out attempts to achieve a future goal.
Your challenge
Spend a few minutes checking in during the day to see where your mind tends to focus. You might be surprised at how much time you’re spending in the past and future. Remember, you’re just establishing a baseline. There are no right or wrong answers, just information.
How is time focus showing up in your life? What benefits might there in be in nudging yourself more into the here and now? In moments of stress or stuckness, check in and see whether you are focused in the past, present or future. How could shifting your time focus help the situation?
Practice. Practice. Practice.
