10 ways to practice meaningful self-care
Image: Allie Smith
We all have those times when it’s clear that something different is needed. It may be that you’re handling more stress than usual. It may be that you’re setting the groundwork for your next big move.
Whether you’re responding to what life is throwing at you or visioning and building new plans, there’s one place to look that will always provide some of what’s missing: how you are managing your personal energy.
When this happens for me and for my clients, one of the first places I like to look is at self-care practices and routines. (Strategy #1: sustainable positive change begins inside). The goal is to take something that is already there — since most people have some level of self-care practices, even if they don’t always call them that— and build on them, optimize them and most critically, align them with what’s needed at this time. (Strategy #2: leverage and develop your strengths) .
Practicing healthy self-care is the opposite of selfish.
How we treat ourselves forms the foundation for how we show up and contribute "out there" in the world. And it has a bigger impact than we might realize. Consider what makes you feel really, really good. It might be something physical, mental, emotional. It may be an experience or a routine that you wouldn't be without. Imagine how different your life would feel if every single day went by without having any of those experiences.
Taking full ownership of our self care practices and routines means intentionally and strategically giving those experiences to ourselves. For most of us, this is a building process. It takes commitment and choice to create the habit. It requires questioning and listening and taking action. It asks us to know who we actually are, what matters to us and what we really need at this point in our lives.
I’ve long been an advocate for healthy energy management practices. Periodically checking in with and continually ramping up my own self care has also been an invitation. An invitation to look at what it means to integrate self care at a fairly radical level. An invitation to pay attention to how I feel when I am doing that and how that impacts who I am being everyday. An invitation to see what happens when when life stands up and says, "Oh, you're committed? Here's a little test. Or two. How committed are you now?"
Recently, in my enthusiasm for upleveling my own routines (something I always do when I get home after extended time away), I scheduled the usual self care appointments I keep — all in one week. I started planning travel time to see family and friends, now that travel is back, and created space to relax, play and work in my garden. I switched up my yoga and meditation practices, cleared off my work plate a bit and scheduled more downtime. It was a perfect start. But also just a start...
Healthy self care takes a plan and a commitment.
Self care gets a lot of press now. Yet a lot of self care discussions still default to what we think are delicious treats: massages, salon visits, beach vacations, delicious food, taking time to do that one thing we're craving to do for ourselves — even if it's just reading a book by the fire or going for a longer run.
That's all important, but it also barely scratches the surface of what it means to practice self care in a meaningful and life-changing way, a way that helps us to be our best for all of the commitments and responsibilities we have.
Here are 10 of my favorite techniques to consider if you are working to improve your own self care:
1. Reckoning
Sometimes taking the best care of ourselves requires getting clear about where we have not necessarily been doing that. If there are changes that need to be made, there is no time like the present. There have definitely been times when tough love has been the order of the day for me — with my work, my schedule, my daily habits. This is often true of the clients I work with, too. Kindness rules, of course, but so does self-honesty.
2. Mindfulness
Being mindful pays big dividends for me. I’ve had formal mindfulness practices for many years, and also plenty of reminders of what happens when I’m being less than mindful of my surroundings. The biggest one: nearly every physical injury I have ever had has come in a moment when I was in a mind-wandering, falling asleep or otherwise not present moment. Whether it’s a gym injury or a fall— those moments of not being mindful and aware of my surroundings have often had painful or at least inconvenient consequences. This can be true in so many areas of our lives. Mindfulness doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s simply the practice of being fully present and aware; we can all learn to pay attention on purpose.
3. Backup Plans
Planning for contingencies means having double backups in the plan of what you do to calm your mind, move your body, nourish your spirit and find supportive environments. Sometimes you just can't get to your go-to plan. We’ve all certainly experienced that over the last few years. Having backups and alternatives in place is how you keep your overall wellbeing intact and your needs met when challenges arise.
4. “Spring” Clean
I like my environments to be reasonably organized, clean, colorful and calm. When they’re not, I feel it. Our environments impact our wellbeing in numerous ways. Taking steps to influence the environments that you’re in is a self-care technique with a lot of positive follow-on benefits. Thinking about the environments you operate within, where might you need to spruce up, clean up, eliminate, add, rearrange or make other adjustments to help you feel and be at your best? Anywhere you are spending your time and your energy counts.
5. Accounting
Taking care of your business — and your money — is an important piece of caring for yourself. Choosing to take ownership of your financial resources is an important component of self-care. Whether it’s accounting, budgeting, investing, spending or earning, if your financial life is feeling stressed, this is a great place for practice. How can your financial life become more of a partner and less of a nemesis? How might you allocate your resources towards a fully nourished life?
6. Reserves
One important component of self-care for me is to eliminate unneeded drama by building reserves wherever possible. For example, I value play and downtime and I am choosing right now to invest more time in my business. With those priorities, it's clear that I need to maintain a reserve of time in my schedule. From establishing savings reserves to setting specific client capacities to keeping a reserve of typically used products at home, incorporating this simple practice gives back so much peace and ease.
7. Smiles
After a surreal few years of not always seeing people’s full faces in public, I've been thinking a lot about what makes me smile. Ensuring that there are plenty (see #6: a reserve of smiles never hurts) of those things happening every day is simple but powerful self-care. These are the “little things" that people are always talking about. They're mostly easy (and easy to overlook). You are worth it. And yeah, they matter quite a lot.
8. Your Authentic Yes
Everything that we say yes to requires a certain amount of our energy, energy that now can’t be spent somewhere else. If a commitment you’re making is really an authentic and enthusiastic yes for you, self-care means going in with both feet and being fully present for all of it. If what you’re saying yes to is not worth that kind of attention, then it's probably a good candidate for #9.
9. No Thank You
Making room for your most authentic yeses requires saying no more often. Being open, honest and assertive about saying no doesn’t always feel easy, but it’s a boundary that is essential to deep self-care. Practice this: No, I don't have time this week for everything that might sound good. No, I don't want to do that. No to what's not in the highest good of me and the people in my life. No to drama and things that feel off. No, no, no leaves much more room for "yes" and "thank you."
10. Full Acceptance
Sometimes we’re able to easily achieve and acquire our goals and desires, while other times what we want remains elusive. Always, the real control we have is over what we do and how we are being, and not necessarily the exact results. Whether we are kind and loving to ourselves in the process makes a huge difference. My personal practice has been allowing and accepting with grace and love, and remembering once in a while to trust the dynamic life force in all of it. In me, too.
If you were going to deepen the self care practices in your life, what would you add to your list? If you need help creating a self-care plan to integrate meaningful practices and routines into your busy life, check out Nourish, the book I wrote to help you do just that.
