Permission granted
Image: TEDxBismark
Many years ago, a friend invited me to attend a weekend creative retreat that she was organizing, as her guest.
I’d just made a significant job change. I was in the middle of a divorce. I was considering selling my home and I was juggling a full schedule of volunteering, spiritual studies, fitness, personal growth, social life and starting a side hustle. I was the poster child for trying to distract myself with “busy.”
II was in that murky place of answering tough questions about what was next for me. And, because life often works this way, this particular retreat included an enthusiastic artist talk that focused around one question:
What would you create if you knew you had permission?
I’m not an artist. In fact, I almost didn’t attend because I couldn’t see myself in that light. And yet, that talk opened up a brand new way of seeing for me. Creating my life? Creating what’s next for me? That I could get behind. While the rest of the weekend was fun, nourishing and spawned friendships, this perspective shift — something I knew intellectually, but that landed differently this time — was the real value that I took away. I also packed a lovely, bright symbolic permission slip from the speaker. A fun talisman. A reminder.
That piece of paper is long gone, but the psychological permission that I’d granted to myself the weekend? That wasn’t going away. I thought of this again when reading Carl Richard’s spot-on essay about making a life-changing geographic move. (Something I've personally done, and yes, this is how it felt.)
Have you ever held yourself back a bit, waiting for... something?
I'm betting the answer is yes. Maybe that was because you'd feel more at ease with a measure of approval, reassurance, or a nod of the head for the direction you want to go. Maybe you wanted evidence that it would all work out beautifully. You and me and Carl and nearly everyone I have ever coached through transitions and stepping up into our “next” — we have all been there, waiting for that imaginary permission slip before we move forward. It's human.
My challenge to you the next time you sense yourself waiting is to give all of that to yourself. Or else, you can take it from me.
You have permission to want what you want.
To be gentle, honest, and clear with yourself about your real desires and ambitions, and to give yourself the space to clearly identify or refine them. Envision the changes you want to make. Experiment with them. How will they fit into the bigger dream for your life? Make your list.
You have permission to have it (and if you don’t yet have it, to go after it).
To create what you want. To have what you know you need. You can gently let go of the I can’ts and I shouldn’ts and they-would-nevers in favor of your burgeoning growth mindset. Those are just the (incredibly common) voices of roadblock and you have the ability to work around them.
You have permission to trust yourself.
Once you turn off the noise and tune back into yourself, often you know. And if you don’t think you know, you can always just try your best idea and see how it works. Grant yourself an explorer mission in self trust.
You have permission to define what success is, for you.
To step back from the expectations of others, and to reconnect to what is meaningful and fulfilling for you. You can build meaning and purpose from this place, even if it looks different than the recipe you were given. It often does.
You have permission to say no so that you will have the capacity to say yes when it matters.
Uncover the underlying values that drive you. Grounding yourself in this truth will clear up a lot of confusion about where to spend your time and energy, and it will help you to set healthy, sustainable boundaries based on what's important (and what's not).
You have permission to carve out the time you need.
Whether it’s creating a sane work-life balance, finding moments to unplug and recharge in your day, using your vacation, or stepping back from business to attend to your family's needs, give that to yourself. Yes, the world will keep right on spinning, and you will emerge with even more capacity and clarity.
You have permission to do things differently.
To develop a bold new plan for what's next. To make a course correction. To do business in a way that feels aligned for you and build your work and your lifestyle in a way that fulfills you. Even if you don’t yet know anyone else who is doing that. (You will. Your evidence is always out there somewhere.)
You have permission to try (and even to fail and try again).
This is how everything worth doing gets done. We test things out. We try. We adjust. Rinse and repeat. Step into the arena that calls you with a beginner’s mindset and a growth mindset and you will build your lessons learned as you go.
You have permission to change what isn't working.
It doesn't really matter what specifically feels stuck or on the wrong track, if you know it's not working, there IS a better way.
You have permission to acknowledge what you've achieved.
Honor your own hard work, your accomplishments and your growth, to yourself and to others. Too often, we’re advised to dim our light, not “brag” or attempt to manage the experience of others by not acknowledging our successes. This doesn’t empower anyone.
You have permission to (fill in your own blank here).
The tricky thing about seeking permission is this: we may want it, but we don’t need it. And waiting around for it often keeps us stuck.
What you do need is to know what you truly want for your life, and to hold your goals tightly enough to inspire you and loosely enough to let them evolve with you. You need to know what matters to you and be clear on what your responsibilities and commitments are to those people, places and goals.
Honor that, and you have all the permission you'll ever need.
Go on, confidently grant yourself permission for something that feels important right now. I'd love to hear what you choose.
