Change means saying goodbye
Image: Josh Frenette/Unsplash
One of the most difficult things about creating change in our lives is letting go of that place we’re in now. Even when it’s one that we deeply desire to change. While this might sound counterintuitive, it’s a normal and anticipated part of the reinvention cycle.
Sometimes getting what we want — a new place to live, a new career, a new feeling of real sustainable balance in our lives — means letting go of something we have. It means holding tight to the vision, assuming we know that this vision is grounded in what’s best for us, and trusting that we’re headed in the right direction. It nearly always requires walking out of our nest of comfortable habits and choosing something different, something new, more challenging, life affirming and aligned.
Making change requires us to look again at our thinking. Often times, getting what we want means trusting our ability to create it, recognizing what it will actually look like and being able to identify those moments when a piece of it is standing in front of us asking us whether we really, really want it. Sometimes, those opportunities that we’ve been mulling over show up unannounced and we’re asked to make a decision.
Most of the time, we want to be sure that the change we’re thinking about making is The Right One.
Of course, in practice, this is all about clarity of direction and confidence to act. But in reality, what can often happen is that we hold on for dear life to the things that aren’t serving where we want or need to go, and we let go of nothing. We hold onto everything that’s not working and say we have no choices. We continue filling our plates while trying to launch a new business. We try to change careers while holding onto our previous professional identity. We hold onto unhealthy eating habits while ramping up exercise. We set out into a new relationship or a new job with our mindset firmly focused on what happened in the last one.
You see how we do it?
How do we go forward in faith that we can have what we want and allow that faith to help us let go and make space for that to unfold in our lives? We don't want the changes we’re making to hold us underwater, gasping for breath. We want to swim, gracefully, into letting go of the old, worn out situations and habits and letting in the new. We want to be able to easily course correct when we know that holding on is taking us off course. (Because we know when we’re heading that way, we just don’t always listen to what we know.)
With life’s most difficult changes— losses of loved ones, adjustments to your personal identity, moments that change your world as you knew it— knowing it's coming doesn’t necessarily make it easier to embrace. And so the goodbye part is uncomfortable and challenging.
Yet… wanting change doesn't always make it easy to fully embrace either.
When there is no way to hold on, we learn so much from letting go with grace and being honest about how we feel along the way. Moving forward and feeling the peace we want to feel means gently letting go.
It’s no different with the positive changes we might enact ourselves. The ease we want to feel, the full-on commitment, the YES (not to mention the actual forward movement!) all comes from letting go and saying goodbye.
That big move you’ve planned for a year? That means saying goodbye to the place you’ve lived until now.
That career change you're aching to make happen? It means being willing to let go of the job situation you’re in, even if it’s comfortable.
The new direction you’re taking your business? It might mean saying goodbye to clients who don’t fit anymore.
The debt payoff plan you’re working on? It might mean letting go of your unconscious spending habits.
The thinking that got you stuck? It won’t allow you into the work of truly committing to what’s next.
Achieving a life that feels balanced? What if it meant saying goodbye to outdated goals or a pattern of being the last person in the office every night?
You know what changes are already unfolding in your life, which ones are nudging at you, and which ones you'd like to see happen. What do you need to say goodbye to so that you can fully open up the space for them to happen? What needs to happen for you to be able to set it aside and take your next step towards what is next for you?
