Quick fixes don’t work (and what to trust instead)
Image: Dmitry Bayer
Have you ever experienced those moments when you stop looking for the quick fix, and the real solution — the one that is essentially right — materializes? Just. Like. That.
When you’re not sitting at the computer, pleading for the good ideas to come, inspiration strikes.
When you’re not looking for love, you meet the partner you’ve desired. When you stop obsessing about the extra pounds, your pants start fitting less snugly.
Of course, these scenarios don’t always happen immediately, but they do often happen in a way that feels effortless, as if they arrived "out of the blue". Solutions fall into place. Serendipitous events seems to “just happen.”
This isn't theoretical. It happens to many of us and I've personally experienced every one of these scenarios at one time or another. So, of course, I take notice. As a longtime practitioner of mindfulness, the first thought that pops up for me is this: less attachment, more life flow. When you’re less attached to the outcome, the outcome has room to arrive.
But for all the benefits of learning to let go of attachments or hold our goals loosely while staying committed to right action – and there are a lot of benefits to those strategies – there is more going on here. It’s the stew of our mindset and patterns of thinking. It’s about limiting distractions and building a strong personal foundation. It’s a process of learning to acknowledge, trust and take care of what’s inside instead of relying on what’s “out there” to create results. It's all about the energy you bring.
I have learned that underneath it all is trust. Trust in ourselves, our vision, our resources and our capacity to hold what we truly want.
When we build those foundations well, rest into them and continually reconnect with and strengthen them, that what builds the trust. That’s what aligns us to our vision and builds our capacity in a way that is sustainable and life-giving.
That’s also when we can let people be who they are and do what they do, without the comparison, the competition, the reverence or the drama.
And the truth is, trust is a process. Mindset changes gradually. There's a learning curve, but it's a lot more fun and a lot simpler than the constant struggle of striving and forcing. It’s far less painful than running on the treadmill of the short-term fix.
Cultivating trust will save you countless dollars, hours and attention chasing the one — the one book, the one class, the one teacher, the one date, the one diet, the one killer presentation at work, the one client. The one that changes everything.
Instead, here's something else to try:
Notice the next time you’re holding fast to what you want, so fast that you must have it, that you’re measuring yourself against everyone who you think already has it (or might get it before you do). Notice when your hands are so tightly clenched around the outcome that you are leaving yourself in the dust chasing whatever you think will give it to you.
That's not your vision.
Just stop. Breathe. Go for a walk. Do something that feeds your energy and uses your strengths. Notice what’s happening. Refocus your attention to what matters. Your values. Your unique strengths and genius. Your long-term vision for your life. How you want to feel in this moment and the ones to come.
It’s like finding the unlocked back door to what we want to achieve. And letting ourselves in.
