4 simple strategies to create more of what you want

When designing our life and work to be more fulfilling, more integrated and more values-aligned, it’s inevitable that challenges will arise. Often, though, the biggest challenge we face is ourselves.

Culturally, we tend to talk a lot about “getting what we want" and "having it all." And yet, when you examine the language we’re using, it’s passive. Designing our lives and work — and our relationship to those — is an active process.

It requires that we take an active role in reflection, planning and mindful, aligned action. That’s where we often get in our own way.

What I often share with clients, and what I also remind myself when I start on something new, is that the first step in "getting more of what you want" is a willingness to step up and create it.

That means being honest with ourselves and letting go of comparisons. It means doing things that we may not have done before. It may mean doing less of things that we have been doing. It will likely involve shifts in thinking, in mindset and hopefully, a bit of standing out on our learning edge.

Mostly, I find that when overwhelm or indecision or doubt creep in, it can help to have a few tried and true strategies for restarting that momentum. I like these four strategies for a start (and put them all to work regularly):

The clarity factor

Far and away the most difficult part of creating more of what you want is to be really clear on what this is, and clear on how it may be evolving. While this might sound obvious, I find that, without intentional reflection, very few of us are all that clear on what we want — and more so, why we want it and why now (or why it’s a future goal).

"I don't know" isn’t an answer that is viable in the long-term, and it can keep us stuck in the short-term as well. The same goes for "it doesn't matter" or vague and avoidant responses, all of which can be a default response when we’re feeling stuck.

There is a part of you that does know — or at least knows where to start looking for answers. Befriending that inner ally and really listening to what they have to say — that's the work that can create transformational results.

Consider this:

Instead of "I don't know," you might ask what you are sure about right now.
Instead of "it doesn't matter," you might ask what does matter most in this situation.
Instead of vagueness, you might push yourself to be more specific about your desires.
Instead of settling at what would work, you might ask what would be perfect.

The flexible big picture

One stumbling block in actively creating what you want is not noticing when it's right in front of you, knocking on your door. It's easy to become so narrow-focused and attached to certain details working out in a certain way that we can lose sight of the bigger picture.

Sometimes, it's this very attachment to specific details that can prevent us from seeing that what we are trying to create is potentially unfolding right in front of us.

Consider this:

Do you want that specific promotion, or do you want meaningful work that challenges you and provides a leadership opportunity?
Do you want to start your own business, or do you want to be home to better support your family while also contributing to your family’s financial wellness?
Do you want a home on that street, or do you want a nurturing environment that feels like home and is close to work and other community resources?
Are you comparing your journey to someone else’s, or focusing on what’s truly aligned for you?

A healthy dose of positivity

I sometimes refer to "the tsunami of positivity" as one of my own personal strategies for designing more of what works for me. This isn’t about “toxic positivity” where one ignores emotions and realities to paste on a grin and power through. Developing optimism and cultivating a positive mindset and positive emotions (as in emotions with a positive charge — all emotions are valid) is a learned skillset/mindset and there is plenty of research to support its effectiveness.

Really, though, it boils down to something much simpler than all the research: with mindful practice, you can work with your own thinking to choose thoughts that will empower you to move toward what you want, or choose ones that feel defeating and will hold you back. Fine-tuning (and bringing others on board with your thinking where needed) may take practice, but it's your choice (and mine).

Consider this:

Instead of expecting the worst, what if you expected the best possible outcome?
Instead of complaining to friends, what if you asked them to support your vision of everything working out for the best?
Instead of listening to those who will tell you why not, what if you looked for and focused on the success stories?
Instead of getting bogged down in negativity, what if you choose to believe in and commit to your creation?

The five-minute momentum

While it can feel good to blow off steam and venting can be cathartic and helpful, complaining as a whole doesn't tend to accomplish anything forward-moving. From a positive psychology perspective, one of the simplest antidotes in these moments is to pause. In that mindful moment, you can then take a positive action, based in what you need or what will move toward the result you want. From a behavior and habits perspective, five minutes is plenty of time to take that step. Micro steps add up, and they can enhance the larger efforts that you’re making by creating a more solid foundation under them and developing a more consistent rhythm of proactivity.

Consider this:

Five minutes of brainstorming solutions or desired outcomes with a friend, colleague or coach can go much further than five minutes of complaining about a problem.
In five minutes of spinning up about about the ever-growing to-do list, you might have knocked off (or delegated) a simple task.
Five minutes of chopping vegetables, blending a smoothie or stretching just made it easier to nourish your body.
Five minutes of meditation can reset your focus and allow for more flow as you return to the task at hand.
Five minutes of doing anything consistently builds a habit, starts a project, creates forward movement and fuels your becoming.

What are you creating more of at this time in your life? How will these strategies help you to do that?