Instead of setting new year resolutions, do this
Image: Brooke Lark/Unsplash
What’s on your agenda for this coming year?
Are you firmly in the resolutions camp, proclaiming that you will lose weight, make more money, save more money, tick off the bucket list, do something epic, finally stop (insert your bad habit here) and start (insert your virtuous habit here).
Or maybe you are in the oppositional camp of “I never set New Year resolutions because they don’t work.”Even as a coach and someone who is personally dedicated to consciously ending and starting my year, I find this resolutions/no resolutions conversation all a bit exhausting and counterproductive.
That’s because so much of the conversation at this time of year is grounded in an underlying message of “not enough”. It’s healthy to want more, to grow personally and professionally, and create more of what you want in life. But we all need a more positive approach.
Pushing away from “not enough” to be “better” often fails to set us up for success and happiness. Instead, it puts us on a roller coaster.
It tends to look like this: This is the year that you will do all the things (many of which you are not necessarily committed to doing). It will be the year of the big breakthrough. The year you make the same resolution you’ve made for the last five, but actually do it. And you make an initial effort until enthusiasm wanes or life interrupts and that effort slowly peters out.Many clients have come to me burned out from doing all the things, from playing this perfectionist game, from constantly trying to have more impact, move to the next level—without really checking in with themselves along the way. And many of them have benefitted from trying a different way.
Don't set another resolution to be somehow “better” in the next year.
Ask yourself this: What if the next 365 days in front of you were a canvas waiting for your next creation? What would you want to create?
Be honest with yourself about what you want and what that will get you. No judgment. No comparisons. And for happiness and true progress’s sake, please no more resolutions to be bigger and more badass (whatever that even means).
Choose to be fully yourself, and if you’re not clear on who that is, then commit to exploring that. Do more of what you love. Take the time you need to know what that is.Explore your ideas and intuitions about what’s next for you. Learn to trust what you already know and what you’re discovering. Find the ways to address your challenges and pursue your vision that feel connected to who you are and what matters most to you.
Instead of setting yet another New Year goal or resolution, ask yourself some powerful questions. Then create an initiative or two (or three) that feels inspiring and grounded in your answers.
Here are a few of my favorite questions to get you started:
Is the fire lit under you actually your fire? If there is no fire, what would energize you?
What do you want to have or experience more of in the coming year? What would you like less of?
Where do you want to challenge yourself more? Where would you like less of a challenge?
What standards will you hold yourself to in the coming year?
What will you expect of yourself? What expectations will you let go of?
How would you like to show up in your corner of the world this year? What will you need to do, have or learn so that you can do that?
What will you give your time, energy and attention to? What will you give less time, energy and attention to?
How will you be supportive of and take good care of yourself this year?
Remember, wherever you are now is enough to envision what is next for you and start to build that. There is nothing that you need to improve, unless that feels right to you. It's time to let go of any pressure to be more or better than last year’s model and all of the negative and/or comparison-based messaging that is underneath that.
Let's choose instead to harness January’s natural “new beginnings” energy to get clear and intentional about what you most want and take positive, inspired steps to create that. No resolutions required.
If you'd like help in staying accountable to what you're creating, check out The Momentum Club for affordable, private accountability-focused laser coaching.
