Ask for the table (and whatever else you want to create)

Image: Dan Gold/Unsplash — Image: Dan Gold

“You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.” – Oprah Winfrey

In the many years that I’ve been coaching professionally, I've found that the questions, What do you really want? and What do you need? are some of the most powerful ones we can all ask and answer.

It’s simply because these aren't questions that we spend enough time with. But as we start to unravel those questions, and often even when we are clear on the answers, the next challenge is waiting.

The biggest challenge I see? Asking clearly for what we want and need.

Whenever we think about asking, we tend to tell ourselves a whole lot of stories:

I don’t want to inconvenience anyone.
If I ask for that, it will upset the status quo.
I don’t know what to say.
They won’t like me if I ask for that.
I could never ask for that.
I don’t actually need that. I can manage.
What if they say NO?

This is a challenge for all of us and a huge stumbling block for many — and not just when it involves other people. In many cases, we’re not even making the ask of ourselves. And yet, we know that if we don’t ask, we’re all but guaranteeing that we won’t receive. See the problem here? Not asking may feel like the “safe” option, but it’s far from it.

The only thing that we gain from not asking is not getting the results that we want.

(Reality check: it’s true that sometimes, you will hear no and there may be someone who doesn’t like your request or the fact that you're making it. And you will survive.)

Having the courage to be honest about what you want and need and then actually asking for that can open up new worlds, in yourself and “out there”. Not only do you gain more confidence, you gain more results. And the ripple effect of one simple request can go on to be felt in many other areas of your life.

I could name several examples when this has happened in my life, but here's one. Many years ago, I was injured in a car accident and, after 12 weeks out of work, was suffering even more from cabin fever. So when I discovered that a favorite author would be holding a free workshop nearby, my sister-from-another-mother and I immediately got tickets.

When we arrived, we were seated in a cramped balcony row that was a challenge for me with my sling, cast and shoulder brace. We saw table seating on the floor, thought that would be a better experience, and after a little debate (Could we? We can manage here. No, we want the table.), we asked to be moved. Not only did we have a more comfortable and interactive experience down on the floor, but we met friends at that table, went on to participate in a group together, met more friends, had new experiences and set new personal goals.

It would take another blog post to list all of the connections and consequences (direct and indirect) that came from making that one simple request.

You never know what might happen when you ask.

Maybe you need to do a little more asking, too? Maybe it’s time to honor your vision, your life, your career and your well being and JUST ASK? It's something that we all need to be reminded to do now and again.

Your challenge.

In the next few weeks, set your stories aside for the moment (please don’t waste time trying to prove them right or wrong, just set them aside for now) and try this: